Today our topic of discussion is – Using language for personal benefit.
Using language for personal benefit.
Under this title I will discuss and provide examples of language use that are completely analyzed on the basis of the participant children’s language use. No previous theory or journals have mentioned about these features; thus I am classifying the following categories as the researcher’s personal findings.
Moreover, explanations are added from the language data that have been collected during the observation session.I have seen that children (the Bengali spoken participants) sometimes use language specifically to fulfill their demands and needs.
They try to manipulate their parents too by driving the language on different tracks that suits their needs; like- implication of unnecessary emotions, facial expressions or gestures along with the spoken language. Or they choose words that do not expect from them at that moment and at that age of course.
Moreover, children are seen to be shifting blames on others for their mistakes so that they are not scold or punished by their parents or manipulating language to serve their purpose. Thus child language features that are suitable to categorize under the title ‘using language personally’ are as follows-
(a) Blame shifting
(b) Semantic negotiation or language used for emotional manipulation
(c) Own word generation
(a) Blame shifting:
One of the unique and amazing features I have observed in the child’s first language acquisition period is “blame shifting’. It happens when children blame others (persons or even external circumstances) for their mistakes and mis- behaviour. Whether they did something wrong, failed to do something right or feel reluctant to own up to their part or responsibility.
Like- ‘you never give me what I want’, you don’t allow me to watch my favourite cartoon even’, ‘you never let me stay up late’ etc. Some of these are normal and it will take some time for the child to be more tactful or/and self responsible.
Shifting blames for the young children does not necessarily indicate that they are going to become a bully in the future. Toddlers and young children shifting blames on others are natural stages of language development. In fact, it serves a vital developmental purpose when the child does not know how to handle conflict or disappointment.
Parents of young children deal with this issue frequently. Some of the children may also deny blame when no one is there to blame upon or some of them blame even when caught ‘red handed”. There is little research related to gender differences in this area, but boys and girls appear to be equal to engage in denial of blames or shifting blames on others.
In psychology this tactic of blaming is taken by the traditional theorists as one of the automatic mental behaviours which can be conceptualized as ‘ego defense mechanism’. In such cases, children or adults project (sometimes unconsciously) blames on others for the deeds or the guilt they feel far to acknowledge as their own (Simon, 2009).
Linguistically, I will characterize children’s “blaming’ tactics as a diverse way to express and use language as a part of first language acquisition.
I have seen in my observations that the young children (2-5 years) blame their misdeeds on others only as a reflection of their innocent intentions of getting rid of punishments that they are expecting from their parents. I find that completely childlike (unless it becomes habitual and pessimistic), as it changed over time and has been corrected by their elders.
Some examples of the participant children’s language used for ‘blame shifting’ are like-
• Child Simmi-
Simmi started blaming others since she could use simple sentences only. She blames others for the mistakes she did; like-breaking glasses, wiping wet hands on the curtain etc. She would say “Asha’ (the maid) did it. One day I saw a torn doll in her living room and asked her-
M:/ei je putul ta ke cirece, tumi?/= (Who tore this doll? You?). She simply said no by moving her head side to side without any second thought. But her mother said she did it. -When she sleeps at night, saliva drops on her pillow. In the morning when mother says- M:/beibi dæk o ki korecho! eta ekta poca kaj holo na!/= (Baby look what have you
done! Isn’t it a bad thing!)
C:/egula ki? ami korechi nakil dek’e to mone hocce keu pani d’alse!/= (What are these? I didn’t do that. Looks like somebody spilt water here!) Simmi’s elder sister is 7 years older than her, Simmi is afraid of her, so she blames especially on the maid (who stays the whole day with her) and on her younger sister mostly.
C:/ami kotay tibi sarlam, oi na efe amake sere dilo!/= (I did not turn on the TV, the maid came and turned it on for me!)
C:/ami jaccilam ar glas ta emni emni nore pani pore gelo!/= (I was walking by and the glass moved all by itself and water spilt.)
C:/neil polis ki ami feleci? ami ki dei? fot dir hate dekesilam./= (I didn’t drop the nail polish. Do I use them? I saw it on younger sister’s hand.)
C:/pepi tip dilo ar dim ta b’enge gelo!/= (Pepi pressed the egg and it broke.)
C:/almarir dorja teke coklet ta emnitel pore gese, ami nite cai nai!/= (I did not want to take the chocolate, it fell automatically from the cupboard.)
• Child Sunny-
When I went to visit Sunny at his house, I saw some pencil marks on the wall. I asked him-
M:/egulo ke dag dilo?/= (Who drew these?)
C:/ami ki jani? oi je o mone hoy./= (How am I supposed to know? Probably she did it).
Sunny showed his sister sitting in the other room with uncertainty.
But his mother said he did that. Sometimes when he watches TV for a long time and mother scolds him, he says-
C:/amar ki doj, babai to bollo boje boje dæk”o!/= (It’s not my fault, father asked me to watch TV).
At that time his father was not even at home. When the new maid came, Sunny started blaming her for everything.
• Child Anna-
Anna was standing on a stool and playing with her brother. Suddenly she fell off the stool-
C: /baiya, tomar jonno poye gelam, tumi takalei poye jai. jao tumi./= (Brother I fell only because of you. Whenever you look at me I fell down, please leave.)
B: /ami ki korlam?/= (What did I do?)
C: /fele dila./= (You made me fall).
Mother asked her one day-
M:/amar ai pæd ta dhorlo ke?/= (Who touched my I pad?)
C:/bhaiya./= (Brother.)
M:/bhaiya to bajay nai. /= (He is not at home.)
C:/dogi koreche tahole./= (The dog might have done it).
Mother saw mark of dried rice on Ipad. She asked Anna-
M:/ai pæd e egulo ki?/= (What are these on my I pad screen?)
C:/b”at./= (Rice.)
M:/ke lagiyeche?/= (Who did this?)
C:/mone hoy ai pæd er i dag./= (I think it is I pad’s original marks.)
The most interesting thing about the children’s blame shifting process is that, they blame not only
on human beings, but also on inanimate objects, circumstances or even animals. Like-
-Anna’s mother asked her ‘how is her father like?” She said-/bad/= (Bad). Father heard it
from the other room and said-
F:/ki bolecho? ami poca?/= (What did you say? I am bad?)
C:/ami bolinai to./= (I didn’t say that.)
One thing about child blaming process is that children who have siblings blame more on that brother or sister. The only child blames on parents, maids or on the surrounding environment. In child psychology blaming is a negative issue if it is continued for a longer period or if it reflects behavioral problem of a child.
But on the basis of the above mentioned data, we can say that for a normal grown child blaming is a natural part in language development unless it becomes habitual. Examples of blaming inanimate objects or animals given in this paper are rather funny than being a developmental issue.
Some parents take their child’s habit of blaming others so seriously that they take the side of the child to save him or to prove him right; as a result the child makes his habit of putting blame on others.
Usually blaming habit vanishes over time if properly handled and the child is taught what are right and what not. Blaming others by the participant children of this research has not turned to be alarming as they were all too young to seriously blame others and parents, especially the mothers tried to handle the issue very sensitively and carefully.
(b) Semantic negotiation or language used for emotional manipulation:
Basically, child language manipulation is a phenomenon of developmental psychology. A child can be manipulative in cases and that can be analyzed in two ways, (a) regular basis and (b) some times. It is a part of child development that ensures the process of-
- developing hypothetical thinking
- critical and rational thinking
- empathy and
- impulse control.
Real manipulation is a form of ‘black mailing’ and it requires sophisticated brain development which does not build up in a child at a very early stage. Thus, young children’s manipulation is actually tantrums which are expressed only when they become incapable of controlling their emotions. Semantically these tantrums are expressed by a child in several
ways, like-
-to get priority
-to cover up their misdeeds
-to fulfill the demands
-to live up to their expectations
– to be superior over siblings etc.
These features differ from child to child. Child tantrums or child semantic manipulations are basically ways to negotiate with their parents or family members to fulfill their needs; I have decided to discuss this category as ‘semantic negotiations’.
Children can start negotiating using language as soon as they enter 2 years of age. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Susan Rutherford, very young children can see the power they can have over their parents and it is mostly an issue of patterns.
For instance, if a 2-year-old child cries at night and his parents always take him out of bed, he will actually train himself to wake up to get the comfort; this is a manipulative behaviour. These are non-verbal use of child manipulation.
Children learn how to get certain responses from their parents from a very young age, some of them understand this dynamic quickly. When they grow up, the range of language use develops and they use diverse techniques of manipulating others to get what they want.
Some examples of children using language as a medium of negotiation with parents or others are as follow-
Child Ikra:
When Ikra wanted to seek more attention, she changed her vocal tone and called her mother or grandmother more softly by lengthening the vowels (usually). She did this only when she wanted something.
One day I took chocolate milk for Ikra, but her mother did not allow her to drink it then. When Ikra failed to convince her mother to permit her to have the milk, she used a different way to work out things. She held the packet tightly, and started licking the packet from outside without opening the juice.
Her mother felt sorry for her and gave her homemade orange juice right then. If Ikra does not get what she wants easily, she cries out loudly or tries to threaten (kind of) the person who is not allowing her to get what she wanted.
Like- C:/ami tivir rimot fele dei? dibo?/= (Should I drop the TV remote?) C:/amar notun jama cire felbo?/= (Should I tear my new dress?)
C:/oke, tahole notun jama ene dibe tumi?/= (Ok, then you have to bring a new dress for me) etc.
When Ikra was a year younger, she used to wait for her father to come from the other room to pick her up if she fell down. Now she gets up on her own, but waits eagerly for her father to return from office so that she could complain to him about the incident. C:/papa tumi silena tai mom amake boka diyesilo./ (You were not home, that’s why mom scold me.)
C:/papa tumi ofise sile, ami pore gelam, mom amake tullo na!/= (Papa, you were not at home, I fell down and mother did not pick me up). Her mother said that, she makes an artificial sad face or rounded lips while complaining to her father.
Ikra tries to balance both side to get favour. Like, if anybody tells her that you are only 3 years old, you cannot do this, she says-
C:/amar for hobe ami big garl./= (I will be 4 soon, I am a big girl) or if she is asked to do something-
C:/ami koto soto amake eigula korte bolo kæno!/= (I am so small, why do you ask me to do this!)
Child Anna-
The child knows how to make her brother or others work to fulfill her needs by calling them differently with a different tone-
C: /piz, piz, bhaiya, bhaiyu./= (Please brother please.)
C: /baba, bebu, mammua./= (Retorts the pronunciation of kinship terms.)
C: /ami soto na!/= (I am just a kid!)
C:/bontake dibe na!/= (Won’t you give your sister!)
C: /ami beibi na!/= (I am only a baby!)
-Anna even tries to threaten (kind of) others to get what she wants-
C:/baba, tomar ai fonta dao to./= (Father, give me your phone.)
F:/na, eta baccader nite hoyna./= (No. Children should not touch phone.)
C: /dao na piz./= (Please give.)
F:/na./= (No.)
C:/tomake bhau efe ni jabe./= (Ghost will come and take you.)
C:/bilal afo baba ke ni jao./= (Hey cat, come and take my father.)
C:/ei bæk dag baba ke khe felo./= (Hey black dog, eat my father.)
C:/tomar hat kamme dibo./= (I will bite your hand.)
C:/dicc ona kæno./= (Why are you not giving?)
C:/bollam na bhau afbe./= (I am telling you, the ghost will surely come.)
-Anna was having chips. When K tried to take one, she didn’t allow. After a while when she couldn’t finish eating, she pushed the packet to her brother and said- C:/ei je bhaiya, ami na kheye job tomake diye dilam. /= (Look, I did not even eat and gave you all.)
(She also tries to make a negative situation positive.) -When Anna feels lonely she runs to her mother and says-
C:/mamoni ami tomake balobali/= (Mother, I love you; only to get attention from her mother.)
-Anna also expresses what she wants indirectly. Like, when they were sleeping at night, her father turned to her brother and hugged him. Anna was facing his back and could not see his face. Suddenly she said-
C:/amake keu bhalobaje na, ami katto choto./= (I am so small but still, nobody loves me).
Anna is now almost 6 years old. But some of her previous language use and semantic development are still the same, but in a more developed and well structured way.
Child Simmi:
C: /tumi jodi amake na nao ami porbo na./= (If you do not take me with you, I am not
going to study.)
C: /amar pochonder dres na dile jabo na./= (I am not going if you do not give me my
favourite dress.)
C:/age choklet dao tahole bras korbo nahole na./= (First you have to give me chocolate or else I will not brush my teeth.)
C:/amake sappaiz ta agei dite hobe nahole porikkhar para porbo na./= (You have
to give me the surprise first, or else I will not study for my exam.)
C:/amake Jobsomoy i to bolo je ami tomader ma hoi, kokhono to dekhina gift dit
e!/= (You always tell me that I am your mother, but you never give me any gift!)
Child Sunny-
Sunny has a bad habit of making things work by crying. He makes his family members do or bring what he wants by crying in front of them for a long time; it does not matter if his way of asking or what he is demanding is correct or not.
Sunny was jumping on the sofa. Whenever he was taking a break from jumping, he called K to get close to him and feed him water. He didn’t use his own hand for a single time.
Manipulation’ can be featured as follows-
-crying
-shouting
-giving threats (their own way)
-arguing
-being emotional
-pampering
-choosing any possible mean to work their way out.
I have observed children using language for negotiation and serving their purposes. They try to manipulate to get their favourite food, watch TV, going out, buying anything, making others work for them or anything that needs to go to their favour.
Emotionally blackmailing becomes more constructive and well controlled when the children turned 5 years (or above). Previous manipulative use of language was mostly imitation and in some cases previous learning from the adults. But at year 5, children’s semantic negotiation turned to be contextually meaningful and pragmatically proper (almost).
Thus, it can be said as conclusion that, emotional use of language is a natural phenomenon in child language development. Parents should not be worried about that until it becomes an issue and everyday concern. The diverse characteristics of child language manipulation make it an amazing issue to explore further.
(c) Own word generation: Sometimes we hear children using some words that are not applied in their mother tongue or any other language they are in touch with. Children make these words on their own and they use few ways to make the words, like-
-by changing already established words
-making it out of no where
-as a result of misheard any original word.
Moreover, Children keep using these new words if-
-they get approval of using it,
-if people laugh or enjoy hearing the children using these words for the first time,
-if they cannot remember the original word they have heard before and -if the original word seems too hard for them to pronounce.
For example, there are few words in Anna’s everyday language use, which she made by herself when she forgot the actual word-/balluta/and /galalu/are two of them. She says this when she gets angry. Anna says these in such a manner that they resemble adults’ ‘calling names’.
Anna uses the word/badu/and every time says, /badu mane bad/= (‘badu’ means ‘Bad). Like-/badu bhaiya/= (Bad brother).
Ikra’s mother said she uses the word ‘Norar Coaster’ (Nora’s coaster) instead of ‘Roller coaster’. She has a friend Nora, so Ikra thought this might have come from her friend’s name.
Fuko refers to ‘breast milk’ as ‘Mimi’.
He loves ‘mimi’ (a type of Bangladeshi
chocolate), so he uses this word to indicate to his mother’s milk when he is hungry. Mro says ‘buku’ (from the word ‘buk’, meaning chest in Bengali). He tries to say that he wants to sleep on his mother’s chest now.
have heard my nephew (he is now 17 years old) making a complete meaningless (literally) English sentence when he was around 4 years old. If anybody asked him anything in English which he did not get, he would say-
-/ai du feis no deis/ or /hao ar iu? sabe miu/. These sentences had no meaning to us, but he meant something with these and he frequently used these two lines (in the same manner) every time. Moreover, children are seen to be using lyric of songs in their own way when they do not get the original one; like- /dua< dola/, /hǝtaf< hothat/, /moa<mora/etc.
The ability of children using and making new words is a positive sign of proper cognitive development leading them to think and map semantic meanings as well. Children should be corrected as they need to know the original words of any language, but they should be praised as well for generating new words too. It develops their vocabularies and their speech become flawless too.
In this chapter I categorized the collected observed data into several categories and sub-categories. Possible examples are added to all of them that helped to get an idea of the diverse nature of child meaning acquisition process during their first language acquisition period. In the next chapter the above data will fall into places by analyzing, describing and discussing them. They will at the same time lead to answering the research questions as well.
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